Learning to Live
by Math Gang 2014
Summary: When Edward is in a car accident and loses his hearing, his dreams of being big in the music world are crushed, along with everything he knows. Follow his story as a certain little pixie teaches him how to play again and helps him find love. ExB, AH.
1. Crash

**Yo, yo!!!! So, I'm really bored, so I figured I would write this!!!**

**So, me (Ultimate Power) and my half of an invisible ninja Bestie are CO-WRITING this story, you heard me….CO-WRITING (OR CO-AUTHORS, whichever way you want to see it!!!) AND WE ARE AWESOME; I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT!!**

**SO, I wrote this chapter, and the half invisible ninja will write the next one!!!! CUZ WE'RE AWESOME LIKE THAT!!!**

**Wow, this A/N is long!!!!!**

Edward POV

The light clicked to green and I sped down the road, weaving through traffic. Horns were blaring, and profanities were being yelled as I rushed by. I turned onto a back road, and there were no cars in sight. I sped up, and rolled down my window. The crisp, night air filled my car, along with the smell of the lake, which was just through the forest. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I snatched it off of the seat and flipped it open, not taking my eyes off the road.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Edward!" Alice chirped on the other end of the phone.

"What do you want Alice?" I groaned.

"Whoa, so nice!" she laughed. "I just wanted to call to see where you were. THE DENALI'S ARE HERE!" Alice squealed.

"What!" I yelled into the phone, taking my eyes off of the road.

The car swerved, and spun out of control. The wheels on the car screeched, making dirt swirl all around me. I spun the wheel, trying to get it back in control. The driver's side of the car crashed, and wrapped around a tree, shattering the glass, and crunching the car. My head smashed onto the steering wheel. The alarms were blaring, and the air bags were nowhere to be seen. My vision was blurring, and everything was becoming un-comprehensible. The numbness was quickly creeping up my body, and I welcomed the blackness it brought along with it.

**My awesometastic chapter!!!!!! It was short, but amazing….am I right!!!**


	2. Why?

**Hey, this is the half invisible ninja! As you already know, my Ultimate Power friend and I are co-writing this story. Have fun reading it and PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

**Disclaimer: Neither of us will ever be Stephenie Meyer, so we obviously don't own Twilight.**

Edward POV

When I awoke, the first thought I had was one of confusion. I remembered talking to Alice on my cell phone in the car, but after that I hit a mental wall. The next was one of pain. My head was absolutely killing me, and it seemed like everything else was sore too. What the hell had _happened _to me?

Finally I managed to pry open my eyes, which confused me even more. I could see all of my family (my Father and Mother, Carlisle and Esme, my 19 year old big brother, Emmet, and my 15 year old little sister, Alice) was crowded into a tiny hospital room. Nothing strange about that considering I _must_ have been in a car crash. That was the only logical conclusion given the facts I knew. But, what _was_ strange was the lack of voices. I could see their lips move, but could hear no sound coming out.

Another thing that shouldn't have been strange was the monitor next to my bed that should have been beeping in time with my heart. Though the line moved steadily up and down the machine remained silent.

Soon Alice looked my way and saw that my eyes were open. She grabbed a pen and a pad of paper from my bedside table and quickly scribbled something on it. She turned it to me so I could read it. _You're finally awake!_ It read.

Rolling my eyes I replied, _Obviously. Now tell me, why are we writing this conversation when we could be speaking it?_

I watched her bite her lip as a look of apprehension crossed her face. _I think Dad would be the better person to answer that, _She finally answered.

Of course. Dad was a doctor. Probably my doctor. He could best explain what was going on. I nodded and she drug Dad to kneel next to her on the floor. She handed him the note pad and he began to scribble furiously.

When he finally gave me the pad, his explanation was a full sheet long. _You were in a car accident on Strawberry Lake Road. You suffered minor injuries on your body from the seat belt and brakes and such, but your main injury was to the head. The air bags didn't deploy and your head hit the steering wheel very hard. At the hospital it was confirmed that you had internal bleeding in your temporal lobe. We managed to stop it before it could kill you, but you have… permanent complications. _

_What kind of "complications", _I wrote back.

_Do you know what the temporal lobe controls? _I shook my head no. _It controls vision and hearing. We had no way to prove whether you had any damage until you woke up, though we had a good guess that you would lose either sight, hearing, or both. But now it's clear that your vision was unaffected._

_That's good, right?_

…_Yes. But I assume you can't hear anything. Can't hear the heart monitor beeping, can't hear our voices. _

I reluctantly nodded yes.

_Then my guess would be that you are permanently deaf. We'll have to run some more tests to be sure though. _

Deaf. The word crashed through my mind, my sanity, like a wrecking ball. How could I possibly be deaf? I played piano. I was good at it too. Extremely good. As in, become a professional, good. That was to be my life, all based on sound. If I was deaf, my entire future was gone. Disappeared, never to return.

I couldn't even have a real job! Most jobs required talking and listening. Would I have to depend on my parents and siblings my entire life? That would destroy me. I had always been the most independent in my family, never wanting help, always insisting I could do it myself. One of my core personality traits… gone.

The pain must have been apparent in my eyes, because Dad ushered my family, silently to me, out the door, leaving me alone with my grief and despair.

Another wave of blackness struck me and again I welcomed it. My last thought before slipping into unconsciousness was, _Why?. _


	3. Alice's Tears

**ALICE POV**

Edward lay there, crumpled in a ball, clutching onto something that _was _there, but no more would it fill the space it use to hold. He was catatonic. He would sit there, tears of sorrow ever letting up. Dad tried to get him to talk to the hospitals psychiatrist, but he ever answered. He rarely slept, and he had growing bruises around his eyes. Every single day, I would wake up on the couch made of rocks that was in our father's office. I would grab two muffins from the little shop I the cafeteria, ad ride the elevator up. I would enter the room, hoping with all my might that he would have moved, only to have my hopes crushed, and have a little more of my heart ripped out.

He wouldn't even talk to me…he always talks to me. Even when I wasn't able to talk, I remember him speaking to me, complaining about Emmett, and talking about how he's going to create the cure for girl cooties.

He was the only person in the world I would even think of telling about my visions, he was also the only person who believed me. For a while now, I have been having visions of the future, usually of things that were going to happen. I felt like such a failure, I hadn't seen this coming, the one time I would have actually liked to have this curse set upon me, and I wasn't able to use it.

"Edward, please talk to me." I pleaded, breaking the silence we have been settled in for days. I walked over to him, sitting myself on the very edge of the hospitals mattress. I reached out to him, touching his arm, he flinched away from me, ad whatever part of my heart that wasn't damaged, was now shattered and stabbed. I started to cry, little sobs bubbling out of my mouth. I moved, so I was now lying next to him. I reached out, not touching him.

"Please" I whispered, pain dripping on every word. I knew he couldn't hear me, but he could read my lips, and he knew I knew that. I can write, but he stays in the same exact position, staring blankly at the wall.

Nothing.

Not even a movement, no telling me he doesn't want to talk. Again. I never realize how much hope I have, every single time, until it's all gone, and I hurt even more than I did before. Pain shot through my body, stabbing at my heart, and cutting me up on the inside.

I got up, and dragged my broken body out of the room, hurting more and more with every step. He was never going to talk, he was never going to be Edward again. I lost my brother, and it's all my fault. Guilt clogged me up, joining with the pain to gang up on me. I crumpled the minute I got into dad's office. I sat on his desk, legs crossed. Sobbing, and I do mean sobbing. The ugly, wipe your nose kind of sobbing that gives you a headache after.

Everything was my fault. Edward would never be Edward again, and I would never be myself without him.

**Ultimate Power:** Alright, people in the Fan Fiction world, this story is epic. Trust me, it will make you fall over in laughter, causing those around you to wonder if you are high. JUST KIDDING!!! For now!! Loll!!Edward is very depressed, yes, but how can anyone blame him, his whole world was just ripped away from him! Review, or we will send Friendly Frank to get you!

**Invisi-friend: **Oh, and you forgot about Perverted Paul! Of course _maybe_ we'll send the Pedo-Wolves to save you. Or maybe we won't. Dun Dun Dun! And yes U.P. say it: I am a dork. But seriously people. Please review.


	4. Rollercoaster Ride

**Edward POV**

I had been in the hospital for three weeks before deciding to "talk" again. At least to Alice. I couldn't take her pain anymore. Not on top of my own.

When she entered my room like she did every morning, muffins in hand, I turned around to face her and pushed myself up slightly. Grabbing the pen and paper that was always out on my bedside table, whether I wanted it or not, I wrote, _Hi. _

I was unexplainably shocked that she didn't immediately start jumping around and talking at an alrming rate with all her hand gestures and jumping. It was just then that I took in her posture…beaten. She tried to smile, but it just came out as a grimace. Her eyes were slightly red, and-only if you were looking- you could see her eyes were a little puffed.

_My favorite brother's finally talking! I'm going to go get Mom and Emmet. _

No! She couldn't get the rest of my family. I was being swallowed into my hole, and there was nothing they could do for me. They were the reason I was here, and now that I start to think about it, Alice was also a part of it. Rage started to bubble, but was quickly washed out. I whipped my head quickly back and forth.

Her face fell, if that was possible. _Why not?_

I sighed. _I can't deal with them, their not going to help, I can't be helped. I'm only talking to you because I feel like you were adding to my own misery .I don't need it._

I saw a lone tear slip down her cheek. Finally she wrote, _I won't tell anyone. I'm sorry._

_I'm not strong enough to deal with this for you. I'm not a strong person, and there's no way that I'm going to deal with how fucked up my life is. _I almost wrote that she should be sorry, but then she would get angry, and I wouldn't care, and then I would get even more pissed. A long process I didn't need.

! _If I had seen your accident those things wouldn't be happening. Your career as a musician wouldn't be over. _I winced. It was one thing to think those words to myself, but another to hear them said by someone else. Shaking it off I continued reading. _The one time my stupid visions could have been useful and I miss it. This is all my fault. _

And with that she had burst out crying. Feeling kind of like crying too, I pulled her onto my bed with me and held her. I hate myself! My sister, who I am incredibly close to, was crying because of me. More reason to hate the pathetic person(if you could call me that) I am.

We sat there together for who knows how long, her sobbing and me trying to hold on. As she quieted down, having cried herself out, I whispered in her ear, talking for the first time since the accident, "It's _not _your fault. Never say that. Never." I had pulled the words out of thin air, wanting her to stop crying, damn tears were annoying, even if I couldn't hear it.

***

Now, a week later, it was time for me to go home. I wasn't sure whether to be happy, sad, or furious. So I settled on acting completely bi-polar.

Alice was in shock trying to deal with my rollercoaster emotions. One minute we'd be laughing together over something stupid, like in the old days, and the next she'd be cowering at the foot of my bed, while I threw things in my rage.

At the moment I was ok and we were opening all the cards I had neglected. As I read yet another card saying "We are so sorry for what you are going through. Get well soon!" I groaned. _If I get _one_ more card that says "Get well soon," I will throw myself out the window. Get well soon… I can't even get well! It's brain damage not getting your appendix out! _I spoke out loud ( I think)

_They're just trying to be nice. It's the thought that counts, _she mouthed (well, I think, she could be she was probably speaking it), sounding just like Mom.

_Yeah, yeah. Of course, _Mom. She stuck her tongue out at me.

We opened a few more cards until she wrote, _God, people are _idiots! _Someone sent you one of those cards that play music. _

Suddenly, without warning I was seeing red. I wasn't even sure what I was mad about. I was just furious. Stupidly, I directed my rage at the one person who understood me. Alice. _Get out, _I wrote. She looked puzzled, but stood her ground. _Get out! Now! _I could see the fear in her eyes, but she shook her head defiantly. She had always been a stubborn little creature.

"Get the hell away from me!!! NOW!!!" I screeched, feeling the strain on my vocal chords.

That struck a chord. We had made a pact, when I was 15 and she was 13, never to swear at each other. No matter what had happened or how mad we were. That was unacceptable. Somehow, I found myself not caring as much as I should.

Her eyes widened in hurt and sadness, she then flew out of the room, her body wracked with sobs.

Now that she was gone I broke down. Leave it to me to ruin the only good part of the hell I called my life. Crying, I threw all the cards into the trash and collapsed on my bed.

I didn't resurface until Dad came in and wrote that it was time to go home. I gathered my stuff and he lugged it out to his car.

Mom and Alice were already in the car when Dad and I had gotten there, Esme, who had a part time job as a receptionist here, in the passenger seat and Alice in the back. Emmett had gotten a ride with his girlfriend Rosalie, they were going to see The Hangover. Knowing I had no other choice I sat in the back next to her. She turned away from me, staring determinedly out the window. Oh, yeah, going home will be _great!_

For me the ride could not end soon enough. The moment the car stopped Alice jumped out her door and ran inside. I walked more slowly up to the house, not wanting to go in. Finally I forced myself up to the porch as Dad opened the door.

**Invisi-Friend**: I REALLY hope everyone likes this chapter. I worked hard on it, and it took me forever. Also I want to make it clear that, while Edward is not catatonic anymore he isn't better either. He is still messed up and will be for quite a while. Now review please!

**Ultimate Power: **I think we should all send messages to Invisi-Girl (I can't stick with one name…sorry!!) telling her to forgive me, I kind of changed her chapter….A LOT!!!! I felt there was a conflict in the story, because Alice was originally so sad and gloomy, and Edward was pissed at the world, and being an A-Hole, so I changed stuff. I'M SORRY!!!!! She's at Blue Lake this week, GO HER!!!! She plays the viola and I sing. So hit that button, and I will reply to your review with my wit and charm. You will be dazzled.


	5. Burn Baby Burn

EDWARD POV

We walked through the door, and I immediately looked around for the piano, not seeing it. I didn't know if I should be happy, or mad. I'm positive they didn't throw it away, they know that would hurt me even more than seeing it. A familiar pain shot through me, rendering me immobile for the moment. As soon as I dropped my hospital bag, The Denali family came piling down the stairs, Emmett's girlfriend, Rosalie, in tow. They all had looks of either pity , or smiled because I was home. It made me sick. The world is unfair, things don't happen for a reason, and they never will.

We are all a part of god's elaborate plan to fuck up, so he gets fired. All our lives will crumble into pieces, one by one, until everyone loathes themselves, and then decides to off themselves, taking the rest of us down with them.

Well you know what, the world can go screw itself. It took everything away from me. Everything I ever knew…gone. I was on the fast track to Julliard. I had my own compositions; I could play the piano, cello, violin, and saxophone. I could feel the tears starting to rise, but I wouldn't let them surface, I would not show any more weakness. I haven't spoken. I can't do it. Everybody wants me to talk about it, but I can't. I refuse to talk about the demise of my life. How am I supposed to cope with that?

I can still remember the pain and terror I felt when I found out that I was deaf. I still can't deal with it. Although the rest of my senses are trying to make up for the lost one, I will never be able to hear the delicate sound of the piano, the laughter of my family, the words the priest speaks every Sunday at church, although he's spewing bullshit anyway. God doesn't love us all, how could he if he just did this to me?

By the time I pulled myself out of my inner black hole, everyone was leading me into the kitchen. There were streamers, food, drinks, a big banner that said welcome back, and…_noise makers._ I walked over to the big banner, paused to look at it, and ripped it down, tearing it into pieces in my rage. I was starting to see red.

"Welcome! You think I want to be welcome on this planet! One that takes away every single thing I can hold on to away from me! I've been falling into the depth of my own personal hell…with nothing to hold on to, and you have been planning a god damn party, welcoming me to the rest of my pitiful life in this god forsaken hell hole! And yes…_father_, I am swearing, and I will continue to do so, until I am put out of my misery once and for all!" I yelled, misery and rage coursing through my body, I could feel the strength I possessed at the moment. I couldn't hear what I was saying, so I hoped that it came out the way I meant it. I stormed out, only stopping to smack the noise makers off the table, making them fly everywhere, and making people move out of my way, cringing in fear…or whatever they were feeling.

I flew up to my room, and slammed the door. Everything in my room shook under the force. I was quickly pacing, torturing myself with trying to figure out how this happened, why this happened, how I'm suppose to go on, as I have been doing ever since I woke up from the darkness I so gladly would take right now. But nothing came, which made me angrier.

I slammed my fist into the wall; it went through until around the middle of my forearm. I continued to smash, and smash, and smash, until almost my whole wall was gone. Up and down, left to right, I had hit. Hit, crash…burn.

**Ultimate Power: **Ooooh! We got some cuss words being thrown around!Just to clarify, the hit, crash…burn thing, it was referring to how him, and what he just did to his wall, relate. Review, or PM us if you still don't get it…it's ok, my mom didn't get it when she was reading over my shoulder (GRRRR!!!) Sorry about the short chapter, they'll get longer as the story progresses and the plot falls into place.

**Invisi-friend: **And trust me, it's ok if you didn't get it. I didn't get it the first time reading it and I'm "supposed" to be the smart one.


	6. Mini's Meltdown!

**Alice POV**

I feel like pushing into Edward's room, cussing up a storm, locking myself in my room and never coming out, and throwing something all at the same time. Edward's mental condition was deteriorating fast and it felt like it was pulling me down with him.

And on top of that I felt guilty. Guilty that I hadn't seen the crash that caused this. Guilty that I was making my family worry about me. Guilty that I was the one who caused this all. Me and my damn phone call. If I was being honest, the only reason I called him was because I was so proud that I had a cool older brother, with a special talent.

It seemed that all I did anymore was glide through life, not being an active participant, just watching. I hadn't touched my fashion stuff in weeks. Since Edward got home actually. I knew I should, to keep building my portfolio. I was as good at fashion as Edward was at music. But I simply couldn't bring myself to care.

I needed to act, and soon. I was scared that if I didn't do _something _I would totally melt into oblivion. But I didn't want to make him worse so I stayed holed up in my room, letting the guilt wash me away.

Which is exactly what it was doing now.

Frustrated, I threw one of my many brightly colored throw pillows at my dresser, wincing at the sound the breaking perfume bottles and picture frames made. I heard a sigh come from the living room and immediately another wave of guilt washed through me, pulling another little piece of me out to sea.

Clearly I needed to act and I didn't really care anymore what it would do to Edward.

As I walked out my door and into the main room to get to the stairs to the attic where Edward's room was I passed Emmet and Mom. Yet another wave of guilt nearly crushed me when I saw the hopeful look on Mom's face.

"Come sit down, Sweetie. We were just discussing how to decorate Emmet's new apartment. Do you want to help?"

Normally I would have been dying to decorate, but today that was pretty low on my list of priorities. "No thanks, Mom."

I nearly cracked when I saw the disappointed look on her face. "Ok, Sweetie."

I stormed to the attic stairs, wanting to get there before I lost my nerve. I stomped on each step with so much force, I'm sure Edward could feel the vibrations in his room. I slammed his door open and shut, to see him lying on his bed facing the wall, which had several huge holes punched into it.

He didn't even have the nerve to turn around and face me, which made me even more pissed off. "Edward Cullen! Turn around and face me like a man!" I yelled. In my rage, my mind completely surpassed the fact that he couldn't hear me.

Unsuprisingly he didn't. So, I grabbed the un-touched dinner, sitting on his bedside table (mashed potatoes with gravy, apple sauce, and pork chops) and dumped it on his head. Slowly he turned around, eyes wide.

"Why are you doing this Edward?! Why?!?! You had always been my role model, my hero! Now you disgust me! You sit here, feeling sorry for your pathetic self, while Emmet is trying to console our parents and Dad has studied every psychology book he has, been to every specialist trying to help you and Mom is beside herself with worry and grief, but trying so freaking hard to pretend like everything's ok!!! But it's not Edward, it's not!!! Was that your goal?!?! To make us all as miserable as you?!?! Because if it was then you succeeded!!!" I was screaming this, getting more and more hysterical as it went on.

He didn't react in any way, just staring at me wide eyed, but I knew he could read my lips.

"I had always thought you were strong!!! Now I know I was wrong!!! You are nothing but a coward. You can't even pretend to act somewhat normal, can't be bothered to come downstairs for meals!!! You're a disgraceful, cowardly, spineless, JERK!!!" I sobbed, truly hysterical now. With every other word I was punching his chest as if that would make my words sink in.

He stared at me for one long moment before turning back around. With a half sob half scream I sank to the floor, pounding it with my fist and having and all out tantrum.

A few seconds passed before I heard Emmet's footsteps pounding up the stairs. He took one look at the situation, me freaking out on the floor and Edward with food in his hair, before scooping me up, shooting a dirty look at the back of Edward's head and carrying me down the stairs to my room. Gently he set me down on my bed and left the room.

I sobbed for a good half hour, and when it was over I curled up in a ball and fell asleep. My last thought was, _I need a plan…_

**Invisi-Friend: **That was really fun to write. Poor Alice. And jerkish Edward. Now, hit the button and review or I'll sic the Math Gang on you!

**Ultimate Power: **And I will be _entertaining _the Pedo-Wolves, and the Closet club has meetings, and are working through their feelings, so THEY CAN'T SAVE YOU. SO, I was hoping to get some reviews this chapter. We have so many story alerts, and only 2 reviews through the 6 chapter we've written. If you could please just write anything, tell us if you liked the chapter, if you didn't, what we can improve on, what you liked…ANYTHING. I will be all over replying.


	7. Rose's Story

Rosalie POV (yes!!!! How exciting!!!!! Ha, ha!!!)

Warning: There is more language in this chapter than there should be! So if it makes you uncomfortable, I suggest you skip this chapter and make up what you think happens in this chapter! I'll give you a hint: It does not involve Emmett taking his shirt off, Carlisle playing doctor (oh how I wish!) Jasper seduction, or Edward biting anyone! Sorry….I know it's a disappointment!

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"Emmy-bear!" I laughed, failing in my attempt's to cheer him up. Ever since Edward got in that accident, Emmett hasn't been the same. I saw him smile twice, both fake, both trying to convince Esme he was fine. He no longer made jokes, innuendos, or dirty comments about me and our…..activities. He also no longer had his all consuming hugs. He had even said something bad about Edward, granted it was after he had made Alice cry for the first time.

It was seriously pissing me off, everyone was trying to be sensitive to his feelings, but it wasn't working…at all. He had been locked up in that hole he calls a room, only coming out to show everyone how pissed he is, or how much he's hurting.

As if on cue, a bump came from above, where Edwards room was. The whole family turned to look up, and sighed in unison. I turned to look at Emmett, but my eyes somehow got to Esme. Tears welled in my eyes as I took in the soul crushing, pained look in her eyes, and the defeated posture she now held.

_I had never seen Esme so broken. _

I noticed Alice's now vacated spot on the couch, and looked around for her, just barely catching her before she disappeared in Edward's tracks.

All too soon Alice flew down the steps, hands flying to cover her wet eyes. She paused at the steps, quickly looking to us, shame and sadness in her eyes, then continued to run towards her room. Rage bubbled through my body, and I had to force myself to stay seated. I heard a sob, and turned to see Carlisle cradling Esme in her arms, tears dripping from her face onto his arms.

The rage was almost unbearable, but what sent me over the edge was the expression on Emmett's face. Not defeat, not anger, not sadness. Nothing, that hollow look of a man who isn't. That was Emmett lately, he just wasn't. I whipped up, and stormed through the room, towards the steps, and into the attic.

I pulled open the door, not bothering to knock. There was a stale smell in the room, as if un-activity was making him disappear from the world. I whirled towards the lump in the middle of his bed, rays of sun coming through the window, making the dust particles more pronounced.

Anger was coursing through my body as I rushed forward. I yanked the sheets down, and threw them onto the ground. Edward whipped his head around, his expression one of disgust and anger: I'm sure I had the same one. He shot up.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get up!" I hollered. Edward reached down, grabbed his blanket and pulled it up again with a humph. My patience was quickly dissipating. I grabbed the blanket again and yanked before he could even process what was happening. He shot up…again.

"What the hell!" He snapped, it was morphed together, but still fluid and angry.

"Get off your ass. You're putting your whole family in pain, and you don't care. Your feeling sorry for yourself, and wallowing in your misery because you can. You have no actual reason, you can just get out of your freakin' bed and go on with your life." I screamed.

We went back and forth for about 5 minutes. Him spewing bullshit and excuses, and me calling him out on his shit. My rage was building, I had no idea a human could get this furious.

"Everything has been taken away from me Rosalie. You don't get it." Edward said, his eyes were narrowed, and his lips were pulled into a harsh sneer. A millimeter of my brain was highly impressed that he could participate in this conversation, being able to read my lips as I yelled things even I wasn't understanding fully. A millimeter. The rest of my brain had tunneling rage towards the man (if you could call him that) in front of me.

"You think I have no idea! You're not the only one bad things happen to." Something in me snapped as I spoke the words I longed to say. I slumped to the ground, tears escaping my eyes as the images I had tried so hard to suppress played behind my eyes.

I had always been the pretty girl. My luscious blonde hair was wavy and curly, I had the perfect amount of curves, I had the perfect bone structure, and people melted at the sight of my smile. One Saturday, my father went off to his job at the bank, and forgot his briefcase. My mother asked me to run it to him while I take my morning run. I got suspicious when she wouldn't let me out of the house in my sports bra and jogging pants. I had to go change into my BCBG blue loose top and Guess jeans matched with sliver strappy heels. When I complained, she told me to bring my jogging clothes in a bag because I didn't want to look trashy. I was 14 at the time, and I had expensive taste. When I got there, my father was in a meeting, so I was asked to wait in the lobby. I was soon growing impatient, when one of the most beautiful men I had ever seen crossed in my line of sight.

The tears kept flowing as the memory flooded my mind.

He went to talk to the woman at the desk, who put her flirty face on as soon as he came to the desk. He didn't seem fazed. He talked to her for about a minute, and the woman pointed to me, I could only guess he had come to take the briefcase. When he turned around, he took a double take and staggered back. I smirked at his reaction, silently thanking my mom for not letting me out of the house in my running clothes (although I was sure she planned this for some reason, I would soon figure out why)

He walked over to me, and stroked up a conversation. I was my usual smart ass self, and he was charming. I soon learned that he was the boss's son; I was shocked, Royce King wanted to date _me_. After an hour of flirting in the lobby, he asked me out on a date. I agreed immediately, then blushed slightly.

We dated for two years, and I deluded myself into thinking I was in love with him, which was a lie. We had a plan to get married once I was out of high school, maybe sooner. We had our whole life planned out, and I had a 6 carrot Tiffany's engagement ring on my perfectly polished finger.

One night, I was coming back from my best friend Vera's house and I stumbled upon a group of drunken men. I scoffed and tried to sneak past without being noticed. Someone called my name, and I soon realized it was Royce. He was with a group of his friends, some I had seen before, some that were new.

He started calling out, telling me to take my clothes off and shake it.

"Make a good impression on these guys, take off your shirt." When I refused, many times over, he got angry.

He approached me, and grabbed the tip of my shirt and pulled, popping of the buttons of the new shirt he had just bought me. I pulled back, but that only spurred him on more. He ripped and pulled and grabbed and touched. Soon he was bored with me, so he started hitting me, and he never stopped.

He left when he believed I would die within seconds upon his departure. He left when he believed he would never see me again. Carlisle Cullen found me when he was taking a walk during the night, and brought me to the hospital. I was in critical condition…so close to death.

After I was out of the hospital, I had to attend the hearing for Royce and his new found friends. I remember standing in front of the mirror for 2 hours, observing my bruises and scars, permanent reminders of the pain I would try my hardest to forget in the coming months. I had silent tears creeping down my face the entire day, creeping in when they felt the need. I sat up on the podium and swore my truth. I told my story, told the pain, the horror, and the inability to do anything to help myself. I told about how I was abused, physically and sexually.

The men were put on death row at the horror of the story. I watched each of them die. Lying on the table, the button being pressed, the look of fear and mortification on their face at the horror of the imminent death that awaited them. They would all meet up in hell.

I came to them all, and I watched them all. I felt that I was the one killing them, I wished that I was the one killing them. No blood, no hassle, just a needle.

Royce was the last one.

That day, the day that would conclude it all, was the most awful day I had ever, and will ever endure. I picked out a white dress, symbolizing a wedding dress, and I pinned my hair up. I slipped on my shoes, and headed to my impending pain.

When I met Emmett, everything changed. I was at my first physical therapy, and Emmett was there. Carlisle had told him of the woman who had been broken in more ways than one, and he came to sympathize. He made me laugh, and helped me through the pain of physical therapy. He came back every single time.

I was snapped back into the present by a warm hand making contact with my bare shoulder. A crisp Autumn breeze blew in from the crack in the window, and I shivered. I was wearing a red tube top and black pants.

"Look, I…That was rude, and... I… I'm… umm, erg, um. I'm sorry." He was stumbling, and I could tell he was dreading having to apologize to me.

He stood up and offered me his hand, I took it, and stood up. I smiled at him as I walked out. I quickly checked my face in the bathroom mirror. You could barely tell I was crying. I strode down the stairs to find a smirking Emmett at the bottom.

"What?" I laughed. He responded my picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. He strode into the living room with me laughing, butt up in the air, and my legs kicking. The tense atmosphere soon dissolved, and Alice came out of her hole. She was in baggy pajama pants and a "Sophomore Sweetheart" t-shirt. She hung in the back, but helped choose the movie and made popcorn.

We watched Titanic (much to Emmett's dislike) and ate 3 bags of kettle corn. When the movie ended and we went to pick another one, I noticed Edward sitting in the corner of the room, on a reclining chair. I nudged Esme and Emmett, and pointed over to the corner were Edward now lay, asleep. Esme smiled, and her eyes fogged up.

Everyone took a moment to look at Edward, and no one could miss the hope in Esme's eyes. It killed me to know that she would be crushed when he never changed.

**Ultimate Power: **This was SUPER fun to write. Feel free to shower me with praise. Just so you know, BCBG is sexay! No one does flirty like Max Azria. Just thought I would tell you. Since I was so nice, and put all the chapters up instead of spacing them out, I think you should all review like crazy!! I will promise to reply! We ask for em every chapter, and no one does!!! Weel, except for 3 people. I LOVE YOU 3 PEOPLE! I GIVE YOU VIRTUAL COOKIES AND A MILLION NON-DOLLARS.

**Invisi-Girl: ** *fawn* I love your writing Ultimate Power! *swoon* you are epic! Taylor Lautner will so fall in love with you. I am short!

Ok then… Just in case you didn't notice (and if you didn't then I'm obligated to say that you are totally clueless) that was U.P. filling in _**MY**_ comment space.

But really, PLEEEEAAAASSSSEEEE review. It really does make our day. And think of all the places you could spend your "non-dollars", lol.


	8. Pain and his Piano

**Edward POV**

Bill, bill, bill, garden magazine, bill, Emmet's "educational reading material"; I was flipping through the mail mindlessly, with nothing better to do. After Rose's blow-up, I realized that she was right; I was unnecessarily making everything harder for my family by doing nothing. So, I came downstairs for at least a few hours a day, and ate dinner with the family, leaving before anyone else had finished. Of course, that didn't mean that I had changed, I just decided that I should stop being such a useless jackass and pretend to move on. Key word, _pretend. _I still hadn't talked to anyone but Rosalie and I refused to be in the same room when the radio or T.V. was on. It reminded me that I couldn't hear, something I would rather forget.

As I continued sorting the mail I came upon the music magazine I used to subscribe to. Damn it. I thought I had asked Mom to cancel it. Just seeing the glossy black piano on its cover made a dull ache start up in my chest. I missed the feel of mastering a difficult piece, of my fingers flying across the ivory keys. Most of all I missed the noise it made. The melancholy thunder of the low notes and the tinkling soprano of the high and everything in between.

I wondered where my piano had gone. There wasn't all that many places to put it, as it was almost as big as a twin bed. Suddenly, I had the impulse to go find it. Pathetic as it sounds, I longed to stroke the keys one last time. So, since it had been ages since I had the urge to do _anything, _I decided to look for it. Who knows, maybe it would even be good for me.

I put the mail in piles on the counter, putting Emmet's magazine in his secret spot behind the canned vegetables, where no one ever looked, and started down the hall.

I slipped through the house opening doors with what could maybe be considered hope, then shut them again with surprisingly bitter sense of loss. How could I feel a sense of loss? I had nothing left to lose. The only thing left was my life, and I didn't care about that. My family would be better off without me being a permanent burden and making everyone miserable. And being dead would be a hell of a lot easier for _me._

As I roamed the house, I let my thoughts drift, something I rarely allowed to happen, since it made me an utter wreck, and therefore wasn't paying much attention. Combine that with my lack of hearing and the light tap on my shoulder from behind completely shocked me. I jumped about a foot in the air, letting out a few choice words too. As I whirled around to see who snuck up on me while I was mentally breaking down. I couldn't even prevent myself from being snuck up on, for God's sake! What would have happened if I had been out on the town or somewhere else crowded. I couldn't even get prepared to defend myself. Damn it.

_Sorry! _Wrote Rose, on a notebook she "just happened" to have with her. Yeah right, I was deaf, not retarded. _I didn't mean to sneak up on you._

_It's okay. _We stood there awkwardly for a minute.

_I know what you're doing._

_What?_

_Trying to find the piano. Edward, I don't think that's healthy. _

_Why should I care what you think?_

_Because you know I'm right. _

_Not this time. Besides I think I know what's healthy for me. _

She rolled her eyes. _Sure you do. Cause locking yourself in your bedroom was _really _healthy. _

_Well, that may not have been the _best_ choice. But I'm right on this. I know it. _

_I'll bet you thought separating yourself from the rest of the world was right too. _

_Rose. Drop it. _

_But Edward._

_Drop. It. I need to do this._

She stared hard at me for a few minutes, her violet eyes piercing. It was all I could do to not look away. _Fine, _she finally wrote. _I'll show you where it is. _

She led me to the only empty room on the third floor. It was only empty because nobody could agree on what to do with it. Esme and Alice wanted it as a craft room, Emmet wanted it to be his weight room, Carlisle wanted it for his study, and I wanted it as a music room. It was probably the best room in the house. Skylights covered the slanted ceiling letting light flood in. And it was huge. Big enough to fit three of my bedrooms.

Before she let me go in Rose turned towards me, "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Thank you," I attempted to whisper.

She nodded back and swiftly walked back the way we had come.

I placed my shaking hand on the knob and hesitated, steeling myself. This was really stupid. I would probably have a meltdown. But I would deeply regret it if I didn't go in. So, I forced my hand to turn the icy knob and I let myself in.

I sank to my knees with my first glance of the room. The walls were covered in bookshelves that held every music book I'd ever used and every award I'd ever won, right down to the first gold star my piano teacher had given me when I was six. There was a basket that held all my other musical paraphernalia; my metronome, cleaning products, and other odds and ends.

But the main focus of the room was my baby, my grand piano. It looked exactly as I remembered it, shiny and black with those musical, ivory keys. I stumbled over to sit down on the bench and lightly ran my fingers over the keys. The feel was there, but the sound was not. I played a scale; nothing. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star; nada. Ode to Joy; zilch. I don't even know if I was actually playing it, the beautiful melody I had adapted as my own was no longer the solace it used to be. I couldn't even tellif it was tuned, or if there was any volume. I was desperate for some sound to float its way into my ear. But none came. I finally laid my head down on the keys and sobbed.

The music was gone. Never to return.

**Invisi-friend: **I'm SOOOOOOO sorry for how long this update took. It was half writers block and half laziness. But at any rate its up, and I hope you guys like it. Also pray for the two of us. School starts tomorrow. And we have no classes together, not even lunch. And I was stupid enough to sign up for advanced math. This will be _fun_!

**Ultimate Power: **I will admit….I added a couple sentences. MAKE HER LOVE ME AGAIN!!! She's rejecting me because I went on a date with Seth, so obviously Leah went to spy on us, and Jake went as her date (for cover!) so Quil and Embry were stationed outside, so no one was there to save her from the closet gays, who had recently teamed up with Friendly Frank, and Perverted Paul to destroy my FF kingdom. So now they are holding her captive in her home. School today was Okay, one down, 176 more to go…..Darn you Pathfinder! Review, even if you hated it, even if you're going to tell us we are the worst possible writers on the planet and we need to go die in a hole with Erik Night (HoN BABY!!!!!!!!) Does anyone know how to check the amount of hits your story has?????? We will not update until we have at least 6 reviews, and one of us will reply back with our witty charm and dazzle your heart out! Long A/N!!!!


	9. First Sight

I sit here at my piano every single day, ever since I found out about it. I sit on the sleek, black bench, and I touch a key… no sound. No sound at all. I try more, and more, and more keys, hoping that maybe one of them will make a sound. I finally get frustrated and angry enough that I bang on the keys with my fist.

Today I succumb to the tears I have been holding back. I have no pride left to lose. I am a failure, I am a pathetic excuse for a human being. I have made everyone around me miserable, just like me. Alice no longer talks to anybody; all she does was skulk around the house. She no longer color codes our clothes and she hasn't touched her sewing machine since I had gotten home from the hospital. I didn't have the space in me to worry about her, and I didn't have the emotional space to feel like a jerk about that. The only person I talked to was--shocking--Rosalie.

I continued to stare at the noiseless piano, a welcomed darkness creeping over my senses, numbing me, a different kind of healing. I glided through school, every day, in a daze. Not paying attention, but somehow getting A's.

I checked my watch, it was 4 'o' clock. I had to get going, I had an appointment. I was told I either had to go see a psychiatrist, or I had to go live with Aunt Bree, and her new found identity…gag. I lugged myself up from the bench, and headed toward the garage. I got into the families Volvo, and headed for the office of hell. I soon arrived, and rode the elevator up. The woman at the desk had peroxide hair, and fake boobs, the man behind her was pretending to do work so he could stare at her… his eyes were looking south. She held up her French tipped finger, using her other one to type away on the computer. She finally looked up, and her breath caught in her throat.

She said something, but it was too stuttered for me to make words from the way her lips moved.

Rolling my eyes, I tapped my ear and had to smile at the look of complete panic on her face. Quickly she signed, "I'm so sorry! I didn't realize… But anyway. How may I help you?"

"Edward Cullen. Checking in for Benjamin Harden." I garbled. The receptionist nodded, and went back to her laptop. I tapped my finger impatiently, she was sneaking quick glances at me as she typed. She handed me slip, and pointed to a chair. I obliged, and went to sit down.

I was staring at the door when it opened. The most beautiful girl in the world walked out. She had long, mahogany curls that framed her pale face perfectly. Her eyes were like liquid chocolate, melting into the center. Her slender body was snuggled into a blue, cashmere sweater, and washed out jeans. She flipped her hair over her shoulder in an attempt to get it out of her face. She lost the battle with her hair, and it flopped into her face. She huffed, blowing out the ends of her hair. She was fascinating in every move she made, even the three times she tripped on her way to drop off folders at the front desk. She smiled, and my breathing hitched, but not in fear. Her smile was…dazzling.

As the man I was being ordered to speak to called me in, all I could think about was her

I must know who she is.

**Ultimate Power: **Ooh la la!!! He is a determined man, just wait for the sarcasm, it'll come. Drama, and insanity ensues my pretties! Hit the button, or Friendly Frank will get you. Again I apologize for chapter length, I'm trying to make them longer! I also apologize for such a long update. I've had this chapter written since the third one, but something's nagging at me, and I can't put my finger on what it is. I guess Invisi-Spinster will have to figure it out. MAJOR props out to Twilightwriter80, she reviewed every single chapter (I do that, it's nice to know I'm not alone!), and she is now one of my favorite readers!! COME ON!!! LEAVE A LONGREVIEW, MAKE ME LAUGH, MAKE ME CRY, FLAME IT, ANYTHING!!!! One of my favorite things to do it reply to a review, and to anyone who has left a review, you know that. Ha, Ha. I'm gonna make this A/N extra long, and I'm going to tell you a joke or two! Lol, I sound like my grandma! Okay, here we go. Cedric didn't die, Carlisle found him and he's now Edward Cullen!!!!!!! I am so funny!

**Invisi-Spinster: **Ok, since when am I "Invisi-Spinster"??? And by the way, that was a seriously lame joke.

It's a miracle! I actually changed something other than grammar in this chapter! Also, I am epically lame, and always forget to check the joint account so I never see the reviews. I just checked them today while getting ready to update and now that I've read Twilighter80's reviews I like to give her a big thanks and next time I promise I will actually reply.


	10. I'm not a stalkerright?

_This is not stalker like. This is not stalker like. This is _not _stalker like, _I thought as I followed the rusty red pick-up. Oh, who am I kidding, this is completely stalker like. So, why didn't I want to turn around and go home like any sane person would do? Oh, that's right. I am freaking pathetic.

It had all started out innocently. Or at least as innocently as any routine stalking starts.

After that first therapy session, the one where I saw her, I had showed subtle signs of improvement. I stayed a few minutes longer at dinner and didn't go into a rage if the radio or TV were turned on in my presence. Not much, but something.

This was mostly due to her, not my therapist's _excellent skills. _(That is, if you counted skills as being able to phrase the same pointless question 10 different ways. Yes, I am fucking upset about losing my hearing!) Even as I told myself she could never love a depressed deaf person like me, I thought about her. Wondered what kind of music she liked, where she went to school, even how old she was. Hell, I didn't even know her _name._

So, I was actually sort of excited to go to therapy, if only to see her. That is until I got to the car. Alice was sitting in the driver's seat, looking royally pissed off. Not wanting to bother getting out the note pad I just gave her a pointed stare.

"It's not my choice either. Mom and Dad are forcing me to take you. Apparently you aren't supposed to drive if you're deaf," she said out loud, forcing me to read her lips.

I rolled my eyes and grudgingly went around to the passenger's side. She backed out of the driveway and sped off down the road at a speed to rival mine, all the while ostentatiously fiddling with the radio. Soon I saw her lips moving, obviously singing along to a song. I gritted my teeth and stared out my window.

After what seemed like hours, though in reality it was more like twenty minutes, we pulled up to the therapists office. Alice was up and out of the car, slamming the door with unnecessary force, before I had unbuckled my seat belt. I followed her reluctantly as she stalked through the door into the bland lobby.

It wasn't until after I had checked in at the desk, and sat down in a few seats away from Alice, that I saw her. She appeared to be chatting with a tall, blonde haired man. I immediately felt irrational jealousy spike up. I didn't even know this girl for Christ's sake! I shouldn't be jealous just because she was talking to another guy.

But still, she looked so gorgeous. Her thick chestnut hair was pulled back from her face with a small clip and the rest hung free down her back. Her skin was roses and cream. Even her simple light blue t-shirt made her look slender while showing off her curves.

I was distracted from my not-so-subtle watching of her by a sharp poke to my shoulder. I turned to see Alice thrusting a note in my face. _Watch it. You're drooling. _She had written.

I turned and stuck my tongue out at her. _Is it really that obvious? _I wrote back after a minute.

_Yes._

_Damn it! _

_Just go back to your stalking, LoverBoy. _

She smirked at me and I half growled under my breath. So much for my hopes that she was forgiving me.

I went back to staring at the girl (I really need to find out her name. I can't just keep calling her "the girl") in peace until Alice poked me to tell me that the physiatrist was ready to see me.

An hour later I walked out of his office in a considerably worse mood than I had been before. Therapy and I just don't mix.

I was preoccupied, grumbling and cursing out the doctor as I walked down the hall towards the lobby and didn't notice the girl turning the corner towards me. I ran into her face first and the huge stack of papers she was carrying flew to the ground.

Her cheeks a flaming red that I found quite appealing, she bent down to gather up the papers. After staring at her like an idiot for a few seconds I quickly leaned over to help. I handed the papers to her and she blushed again, stuttered something that looked like a thanks and an apology and hurried off in the opposite direction from which she had been heading before.

I slowly walked the rest of the way to the lobby feeling all to light headed for my liking, the goofy love struck feeling I was currently experiencing must have been obvious on my face because Alice raised her eyebrows at me and mouthed, "What, did you talk to the girl?"

I couldn't do anything but nod. Before she could catch herself I caught a glimpse of a smile on her face, but it quickly changed to a smirk.

We walked back into the parking lot and I didn't bother trying to drive. As we pulled out I saw out of the corner of my eye the girl behind the wheel of an ancient looking red Chevy pick-up. Alice followed my gaze and that omnipresent smirk appeared on her lips again. Before I could protest she turned the car in the direction that the girl was headed. The opposite direction from our house.

I wasn't sure what to do. I knew there was no stopping Alice. If she wanted to torture me and follow the truck then that's what would happen. But still I couldn't just let her do it. I gave her my best glare and she rolled her eyes at me. "You know you want to see where she'll go," she mouthed.

I sighed because I knew she was right. I did.

The drive seemed unbearably slow. All of us Cullens were speed demons, but this girl drove consistently at speed limit, obeying all traffic laws. Finally she pulled into the driveway of a house known to be on the "rough side" of town.

The house seemed to be in fairly good condition compared to the others on her street. The yard was clean and there was a small flower garden. The actual house was small, but seemed cheery, with its bright yellow exterior and bright red curtains. If it wasn't for its location it would be a decent home.

The girl hopped down from her truck, somehow managing to get her bag caught and falling halfway. I suppressed a laugh. She was a serious klutz. She made it into the house with no other problems, grabbed a key from under the eve, and disappeared inside.

Alice, who had kept the car idling a few houses down, now sped off down the street like a maniac. "You really like her, don't you?" she mouthed.

"I do."

She simply nodded, her expression unfathomable, and sped off towards home.

**Invisi-friend: **Wow. For how long that stupid chapter took me to write you would've thought I was writing the next Great American Novel. I am so sorry. School and homework has been kicking my butt. A word of advice: If you hate math DO NOT take Advanced Math. Way too much homework.

So, how epic was New Moon?!?!?! I won't spill too many details, because some of you probably haven't seen it yet, but it is WAY better then Twilight. And it has Taylor Lautner shirtless in the rain. Need I say more?

**Ultimate Power: **Umm…Excuse me! I said that like 60 times and you just rolled your eyes at me and told me I was seriously obsessed, s you don't get to use that!!!!! But it was Epic. We actually had a discussion about it in English today. My English teacher didn't like it. My boyfriend, and two of his friends (which are also my friends too!) went to see it, and they didn't like it, so I hit them and told them they don't get an opinion because they haven't read he books. For all you Taylor Lautner lovers out there, he's on the cover, and has a spread in Rolling stones magazine. It's not his best pictures, but the questions and interview part is pretty interesting. I got the sexy stars of New Moon magazine!!!!! I got it a while ago, along with the movie companion. Yes. I am a total twilight freak!

We all have to blame Invisi-short person for the long wait! We all must blame her so she feels bad. Loll. We were watching Twilight the other day, and we watched the part where Edward was like I feel very protective of you" and she told me something……interesting about her boyfriend, a reason why he doesn't like one of our friends, and so I have to go up to her and hike my leg up and be like "I feel very protective of you" and see what happens. It will be fun! We also have to make fun of Invisi-short person because I am talking to her mom on facebook, and it freaks her out! It's fun! She thinks it's weird, and we talk about her! Ha ha. Anyhoo. My A/N is long enough! REVIEW MY DARLING PEOPLE OUT THERE IN FAN FICTION LAND!!!!!!!!!!! I will love you like a Barbie (I watched Barbie and the three musketeers the other day….it was decent)


	11. Dinner Pt 1

"Edward!" Alice said. I had finally learned to read her lips…That girl needs to learn to talk slower. I held up a notepad with _What, _written on it. I had saved it, as it would be a waste of my time to write "What?" a bazillion times a day.

"Come downstairs!"

"No." I grumbled, not even looking at her.

"But gue-"

"I said _no_, Alice." I gave her an icy glare.

"Fine!" She huffed and stomped away. I didn't need to be able to hear to know that she was stomping all the way down the stairs, grumbling in French. I went back to reading my book and sulking. About an hour later I could smell Esme's Cinnamon Apple Cake and Emmett's grilling.

The sun moved out from behind a cloud and shot warm rays through my windows and onto me. I closed my eyes, feeling the peace. I sat like that for 10 minutes, feeling the heat on my face, and smiling at the beauty it created, shining off the various objects in my room.

"EDDIE! DINNER!" Emmett boomed…as usual. He was in my doorway throwing pieces of bread at me. I shot him a look and brushed past him downstairs, now in a foul mood.

"Edward, we have one of Alice's friends joining us tonight. I would appreciate it if you were civil." Esme said after she stopped me in the hallway. I nodded and situated my John Lennon t-shirt. I waltzed into the kitchen, acknowledging no one. I stopped at my usual chair and found someone was sitting in it. Alice swiveled around in the chair next to mine, and the person in my chair followed suit. What the…my mind went blank.

"Edward, this is my friend, Bella." She gave me an evil smirk and a dirty eye, as if saying, _SUCK IT!_

Well Fuck.

**Invisi-girl: So yes both of us know that this chapter is really late. As in it's been seven months since we updated. Even though I'm sure that no one who is reading this actually cares, I'm going to tell you guys why anyhow. So, this year in school everyone in our grade had this huge year long assignment. We had to create these humungous portfolios, with writing from all of our classes (yes even math… grrr). Those, combined with regular work had us very, very busy. Anyways… we also know that this is short. Yes the chapter could have gone on, but we decided to leave you a cliffy. But don't worry; I am planning on writing the next chapter during my vacation. So it should hopefully be up in a little over a week. Cross your fingers. **

**Well, since this authors note is about half as long as the actual chapter I guesss I should shut up. So yeah. Review. Favorite. Alert. Review. PLEASE! Yes we're desperate. Lol **


	12. Dinner Pt2

I was brought out of my Bella induced haze by Alice kicking my shin as hard as she could. And having two brothers meant she could kick _hard_. Still wincing I choked out a quick greeting and limped my way over to the chair next to Bella. "Oh sorry, Edward. Esme is sitting there," Alice informed me.

Grimacing at her I limped over to across from Bella. "Rose is sitting there." I moved over a chair. "Emmet." I went to the chair on the across from Alice, even though I knew what she was going to say. "Carlisle."

I had to suppress a groan. Of course. She had placed me at the head of the table; the seat farthest from Bella. Damn her! I shot Alice a dirty look, and she returned with a smug grin.

Still, I should be able to talk to Bella. It would just be a little more difficult.

I sat down and waited for Emmett to bring in the burgers. Until he did, the table would be more or less empty, and I could get a decent shot at talking (aka writing) to Bella. Quickly I scrawled out a note. _Bella, don't you work at Dr. Harden's office? _

Of course, I already knew that she worked there. I spent the majority of my time there hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Hell, I knew where she _lived! _Still, it was probably best not to sound like the freaky stalker I was.

As I passed the note across the table to where Bella sat, Alice knocked her glass of Sunkist over it, turning the paper orange and making the ink smear until it was completely illegible. "Oops! Sorry 'bout that, Edward." She grinned evilly at me. I was going to kill her! She did that on purpose! I shot her my best death glare. Then I looked at Bella and saw that she look mildly creeped out, so I attempted to give her a warm, reassuring smile. I probably just looked constipated.

I started to furiously scribble a second note, but before I got halfway Emmet came in with a huge plate of burgers, and everyone else sat down.

I didn't bother to watch everyone's lips to see the standard, "Oh, this looks great!" bullshit. I just sullenly speared a burger and slathered it with the works. When I looked up from my plate Bella was engaged in filling her own dish. No chance of slipping her a note now. I'd just have to bide my time until she slowed down on eating.

I settled into my usual pattern for when I was forced to come downstairs and eat dinner with everyone. I alternated between focusing on my food and feeling sorry for myself, and focusing on the conversation and feeling even sorrier for myself since I couldn't really be part of it. Now there was a slight variation. I added staring covertly (I hoped) at Bella and feeling as sorry for myself as I ever had. God I sounded like a miserable, whiny, jerk, even in my head. But did I really care? That would be no.

Today I mostly stared at Bella. She looked amazing in a dark blue sundress with small white dots and her hair loose and flowing down her almost bare shoulders. There seemed to be a certain kind of grace in all of her movements, even though I watched her knock over the salt shaker and pepper mill, drop her fork and the knock her head under the table when she bent to get it, and attempt to take a sip of her drink only to miss her mouth. It was endearing in a weird sort of way. Even the snippets of conversation I got to see made her seem intelligent and kind. I only wished I could be the one asking her questions and telling stories. Once when Emmett said something that made her laugh I almost bent the knife I was holding, I gripped it so hard. I wanted to be the one making her giggle!

Finally I got fed up. I was going to talk to her. At this point I didn't really give a crap if I was interrupting her meal or not. I finished the note I had written earlier and worked to pass it down to her. Suddenly Alice faked a sneeze and grabbed the note to sneeze into. I rolled my eyes and rewrote it for the third time. She "accidently" dripped ketchup over it. I tried to pass Bella the same message six times, and every time Alice somehow managed to destroy it. She slammed her sweating glass onto it to kill the bug she insisted she saw. She dropped it on the floor and tore it with her foot. At that point I gave up. Clearly, no matter how many times I wrote this stupid note Alice would ruin it for me.

I wrote one final note, this one to Carlisle asking if I could be excused. Of course he had to embarrass me by answering aloud. "Nope. You are going to stay downstairs and have a real family dinner with us for once. Besides, Esme made your favorite desert, chocolate peanut butter pie."

This was turning out to be the worst meal of my life, hands down. Including the occasion that Emmett ate two pounds of steak, a salad, potatoes, and bread. Unfortunately for everyone at the table he didn't make it to the bathroom. But I was stuck now. I had no choice but to sit it out.

It seemed like forever before Esme brought the pie out. Everyone just sat and chatted for ages. I sat and simmered. This was stupid! They were making me stay here for nothing. They continued to talk, making absolutely no effort to include me in the conversation. It was like I was just there for show, or to make them feel better about themselves. As soon as I gulped down my pie I made to get up. "Wait, Edward. I told Esme that since you, me, Rose, and Bella didn't help cook, we'd clean up." I gritted my teeth, but nodded. "Bella and I will wash and you and Rose can bring the dishes into the kitchen." Of course she'd make sure that Bella and I wouldn't have a chance to talk.

I quickly began gathering dishes, stacking them three high to get the job done faster. "Alice is really something," Rose said the moment Alice and Bella had left the room.

"You noticed?" I garbled.

"If you mean I noticed Alice making it impossible for you to communicate at all with Bella, then yes. I think everyone noticed. Including Bella."

"Great."

"She wouldn't feel the need to do this kind of stuff if you weren't such a jerk to her."

"It's easier this way."

"For who? You? Cause it sure as hell isn't easier for your family. You're underestimating them. They can handle it. They can accept a few bouts of depression. They can't accept your constant drama and jerkishness."

"Fuck off Rose."

"See! This is exactly what I'm talking about. Someone tries to reach out, to include you or give you advice, and you shut them down."

"Fine. I'll think about it."

"Good."

We finished gathering the dishes in silence, and brought them into the kitchen, piling them on the counter for Alice and Bella to clean.

"I've got to go. It was nice to meet you Bella. Bye!" Rose told them as she walked out the door to the living room.

I started to follow her when I happened to catch Bella out of the corner of my eye. I turned around, hope building even as I tried to stop it. "It was really nice to meet you, Edward." She said to me.

"Me Too. I'll see you sometime." I grinned back like a fool.

"Bye."

"Bye."

For the first time in ages I felt sort of happy. Not truly happy. There were too many other issues for that. But still, sort of happy was a big step for me. Maybe, just maybe, there was still hope…maybe. At any rate, I had finally talked to her. _Yes!_

**Invisi-Girl: Yay! Something sort of good happened to Edward! And this chapter hasn't taken weeks to be put up! Improvement! Also, I'm really sorry, U.P. had a message for you guys last chapter, but both of my computers were being poopy, and wouldn't let me edit the chapter with DocX or replace the chapter all together. So here it is a little late…**

_**Ultimate Power: **__**Hey Guys! I hope your still reading this! Eep! It's been months! I'm soooo sorry! So who missed me?**_

**Sorry again! **

**Ultimate Power: **Well, I personally believe that Edward should suffer. I don't like him I have strong feelings of dislike for that man. Plus I kinda wanted Bella to die in all the books. It would have made Breaking Dawn soooooo much better if Bella died. Renesmee just ruined the book. It would have been cool to see Edward and all of them mourn over Bella and Edward be all depressed and then possibly kill himself. You gotta admit it would have been interesting. Sorry, I don't think happy endings are fun to read. ANYHOO! So really, who missed me?


	13. Therapy

"How are you feeling today Edward?"Dr. Cumberland asked. She had on a gray dress that came just past her knees, and pantyhose that disappeared into her gray, wrinkled, pushed down boots. She had on light pink lip stuff, and a thin line of eyeliner that matched her light eye shadow, it went a little high and was taken away by her eye brows. She really was pretty. I had switched therapists when Dr. Harden told me he thought Alice was hot, and asked if she'd go out with him. I think _he_ needs a therapist ... pervert. She's 15, he's like 50. It's just wrong.

"I am fine, thank you." I was in such a high mood. Bella had talked to me today, until that snotty woman at the counter asked her to stop bugging the patients. I have strong feelings of dislike towards that woman, and her annoying nails.

A flicker of confusion flashed through Dr. Cumberland's eyes, but it was gone as soon as it came.

"That's wonderful. Might I ask why the sudden change?" A smile stretched across her face, and a warm glow settled in her eyes. A thought occurred to me… Maybe she cares. Maybe nothing is what it seems in the way that, were not all alone. There's someone out there that is going through something similar, or may actually want to listen, and help.

"There's this girl…" I started. A feeling of being right and knowledge was pushed into her posture. "You know?" I breathed, laughing. She looked down at her paper, grinning. Was I that obvious?

"Yes." She answered my thought. I looked at her in confusion. "You're not the only one who can read minds. I've been treating you three times a week for about a month now, and I know what goes on. Bella's a nice girl; good choice." She grinned, and hit the button with the flashing light on her telephone. I don't know what it did, but maybe it had some majestic meaning. Wow, that's….a thought. I grabbed my chance to talk about Bella.

"She just has this way about her. Her flowing hair that just won't stay in place; her feet that fall over each other. I can't explain it, but I just feel this pull to her. I want to know what perfume she buys to make her smell like that, I want to know her favorite color, her favorite food, her likes, her dislikes, what her parents are like. Anything I can. I have this unexplainable hunger to know more and more about her."

"I know you're feeling good, but we do need to touch on some things," she said.

"I know," I grumbled. My mood squelched.

"How have you been doing at home? Have you engaged in family activity? Have you talked to anyone beside Ms. Hale?"

"I've talked in front of other people, just not to them." I hoped that would get me far enough.

"That's great progress, but I want to see more. Maybe you could come down for dinner at night, or participate in family activities such as watching movies, or playing board games." She crossed her legs, and gently crossed her hands.

"I try, but I can't." I said. Not giving the honest truth, but hoping it would suffice. It was partly true…I guess.

"Not to sound too much like a psychiatrist, but why is that?" she asked.

The rest of the session went on, with me being evasive, her trying to get me to talk, and me looking at the clock, waiting for the hands to point to my freedom. I finally got out of there, and Dr. Cumberland sighed when she said good bye, not thinking I knew. I wanted to feel bad, but I didn't. I walked out into the office, scanning for Bella. When I couldn't find her, I figured she went out on her dinner break. It was almost 6 'o' clock, so she would be getting hungry. She had told me she would be taking her break in a while so she could grab some food. She was working at the offices until closing, and then working until 3 at Bennies in Portland. I offered to stop by and help, or keep her company or something, but she refused to have it. She had said she wouldn't be responsible for ruining my Friday night. Little did she know my plans for the evening consisted of brooding and whatever my mom bought at the grocery store for dinner.

As I waited for the elevator to come to my floor, I thought about Bella. I wanted her to like me, but at the same time, I knew I should keep my distance. She was a good person, and it wouldn't be safe for her to be with someone like me. Who knows how badly I could damage her spirit, her optimism? I could kill her. I should just not talk to her anymore, before either of us get in too deep. It's not safe for her to like me, to even be connected to me in any way…but the way she smells, the way she looks makes that impossible for me. So…..delicious. I have never smelled anything-or anyone for the matter-who smells like her. It's this mix of everything I like. It's like fresh-out-of-the-oven cookies, that smell so tempting, you just have to have one. Put together your favorite smell, favorite food, favorite color, favorite flower, favorite sound, prettiest place in the entire world and multiply it by fifty…and you have maybe half of my attraction to her.

The door pinged open and I stepped inside. There was an elderly woman wearing a long sleeved Seattle Symphony Orchestra shirt. A little part of me died on the inside. I remember being seven and going to see them with my father. I was so excited I didn't sleep the night before. It was all I talked about for months. Emmett was about ready to stuff me in a sack and shove me in the closet (he threatened me multiple times.) Alice had begged and begged to be allowed to help me get ready. Even at age 5 she was a fashion freak. I got lost in the memory. A time when things were easy, when home meant something warm and loving, and not hell. A time when you couldn't get me to shut up, when my greatest joy was those ivory keys I now long for. A time when pain was only in the movies, and tears were for scraping your knees.

I raced to my car before the tears could start. I stared out at the passing cars until my eyes cleared. I turned on the car and drove off in the direction of home, not knowing what was going to come next. I take one step forward, and then something inside me pushes me back 3 steps.

I tip toed out of my car and walked toward the house, yearning to hear the swish of the air, the creak of the door that you get when you close it slowly. I opened the door, and died a little more inside as I heard nothing. My nose was assaulted with the smells of dinner, and I almost smiled…almost.

I wanted so bad to run laughing into the kitchen with Emmett on my tail, and Alice yelling at us from the top of the stairs to give her color palettes back. I wanted to hear the sounds of Esme's music playing in the kitchen, or Esme singing along as she cooks. I never thought I would yearn to hear the sounds of my family fighting, but I did. But most of all, I yeaned to hear the compositions I had mastered throughout the years, to hear that last note hang in the air once I was done playing. I slugged up the stairs more depressed than I had been in the past several weeks. Well, here are my 3 steps back….they had to come sometime.

**Ultimate Power: **HEY!It's me! I was watching the Vampire Diaries a while ago (LOVE IT! Damon is HAWT!) Damon and Caroline were talking about Twilight. I was squealing with joy! Loll! I usually have a lame joke, but I thought this was better! Anyone watch Glee? It's epic! I am a major gleek! I also find myself rewinding to the songs and singing along. Alright! I'm always mean to Invisi-Girl (I used the right name!) but I love her! LOVE YOU GIRLY! You're my lady! I feel very protective of you! Eddie better watch out!

**Invisi-Ugly: **_I LOVE YOU TOO! Now we can run away together! You are the most amazing person in the world, and I am not worthy! I love you too! Taylor Lautner has to watch out!_

**Ultimate Power: **I didn't mean it like that. Um…..yah. Wow, this is awkward. Umm…..yah, I'm gonna go gossip with Alex about this, and then look at you weirdly every time you walk by. I won't tell Eddie, I promise, but I will tell Ryan and Tommy, and they'll most likely tell him, so yah. Sorry, but everyone wants me, but I only want one person, I know I'm amazing in every way and I should rule the world, but Taylor's got my heart! (can you tell I LOVE Taylor Lautner)

**Invisi-Ugly: **I'LL WAIT FOR YOU MY LOVE! I'LL NEVER GIVE UP!

**Ultimate Power: **Yah…umm….I have a very important appointment that isn't here, or anywhere near here…bye.

**Ultimate Power: ** Okay, this is sooooo weird. I've had this chapter written for a VERY long time. It was weird reading the Authors Notes. Haha. She's not even dating Eddie anymore! Whoa! ANYWAY! As we have learned in this chapter….Edward sucks. And is a little bit of a stalker. OH! And he can read lips….It actually is realistic because my friends sister is deaf and is capable of having conversations with me so THERE!

**Invisi-Girl: **Now that it's really me, have I ever mentioned that I really don't like Ultimate Power? Cause I don't very much. She interrupts me a lot. And she can be annoying. And fairly violent. But for some reason I'm friends with her anyway. As we decided a while ago, it's because of the 15% of the time she really is a good friend. And because she's just as big of a dork as I am. ALSO, we've known that Edward could read lips for about a gazillion chapters. That's not new. ;)

Ok, how sad is it that our A/N is almost a page long? Of course that's mostly U.P.s fault. Yeah let's blame her.

Please review! One of us will reply and you can receive even more of our long rambling messages.


	14. Lies, Crushes, and Sluts

Hours after I got home from that stupid therapy session someone pushed a note under my bedroom door. _Knock… knock… knock-knock-knock_. Alice. That had been our secret knock, back when I wasn't the world's biggest, deaf ass-hole.

"Alice, go away." I grumbled through the door.

Another note. _Edward! Open up!_

"Go away." I repeated more firmly.

_I'm just going to stand here until you open the door. _

"Fine with me. It's not like I can hear you." I replied more than a little bitterly.

_Edward. _

_Eddie._

_Eddie-poo-poo._

_Egbert._

_Ed._

_Edweird._

_Edward! _

I groaned as she slipped the last note through the crack. She really wasn't going away.

_OPEN THE DOOR!_

"What?" I shouted, throwing open my door. I had to laugh when she fell into the room as the door was pulled out from in front of her.

Alice scowled at me. "It wasn't that funny."

I couldn't talk through my laughs, so I settled for a nod. The thought that hysterics like this were probably a bad sign flitted briefly through my mind, but I pushed it away quickly. It felt too good to laugh. I hadn't done it in forever.

Once I had calmed down, Alice spoke again. "Look. You're still an ass. But you're an ass who my best friend has a huge crush on, and who is my brother. Therefore, I'm going to offer a truce. I'll help you get Bella, or at least stop sabotaging you."

I was suspicious. "What's the catch?"

"You have to stop being Mr. Oh-my-life-sucks-so-I'm-gonna-mope-around-and-do-nothing-productive. You have to come downstairs, eat dinner with us, and not hide in your room 24/7. Maybe you could even go really far out there and watch a movie with your family once or twice." It hurt to see the pain in her eyes, even though she covered it up with a hard, sarcastic mask. Still, I narrowed my eyes at her. "Seriously, Edward. We miss you. Esme is tearing herself apart with guilt. Did you know that she blames herself? Yeah. She thinks that if she had made more of an effort in the beginning you would be so awful now. You may be acting like a selfish jerk, but we need you." She looked dangerously close to tears.

And me being me, I had to push her off the edge. "How will that help? How will me pretending to be a happy, normal person help? Cause it'll be nothing more than an act! How do you think Esme will feel when I act fine for a few months, then suddenly lose it and kill myself?"

Her eyes were still glistening, but now they also held a burning rage. "You seriously thought about killing yourself?"

"Yes." I lied. I _had _thought about it, but I knew that I would never have the courage to actually do it.

"What the hell, Edward? How would that solve anything? How could you even consider it?"

"You don't know the kind of pain I'm in."

"Yes I do! You lost one of the most important things in your life. Well, so did I. I lost my brother, and I think that family is a hell of a lot more important than a career, or a pastime!" Now she was crying, and still sobbing, she ran out of my room, flinging the door shut behind her.

Oh God. What had I done? I stood paralyzed in the same spot I stood during my conversation with Alice. How could I have been so cruel? Even if she was wrong, that gave me no right to say what I had to her. I was distancing myself to help them, not hurt them.

Suddenly, I couldn't stay in this house one second longer. If I did there was no telling who I would scar in my meltdown. I flew down the stairs, towards the garage, pausing only to grab my keys and my wallet. I threw myself into the car and peeled off down the driveway and onto the road, the smell of burning rubber filling my nose.

I didn't let myself think at all. Not about where I was going, or when I would go home, or what I would have to face when I got there. I put my full concentration on driving without crashing. My mind was completely blank of emotion.

Before I knew it I was pulling up to Bennie's in Seattle. Bella's second job. Of course. I walked into the restaurant with no plan of what I would do next.

Bella was standing behind the hostess's station. She was wearing an apron with the Bennie's logo on it, and her hair was pulled away from her face. An involuntary smile invaded my face at the sight of her.

When she saw me her face was first excited, which quickly morphed to confusion followed by anger. "Edward. What are you doing here?"

"Well, I just happened to be in the area, so I thought I'd drop in and say hi." I decided to play it cool.

"Alice called me in hysterics about ten minutes ago. I know what happened."

"Oh." The smile was chased out of my expression in a heartbeat.

"She said that you two had a fight, in which you said you had thought about killing yourself. She flipped out at you. You freaked and took the car without telling anyone. Your family is in a panic. Alice and Esme are barely functioning. Carlisle, Emmet, and Rose are searching the streets for you." If looks could kill I'd be dead right now.

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

"Look, I'm sorry. I'll go."

"No. Wait. I want to know something. Why are you like this? You always seem so sweet and charming when you talk to me, but then I hear Alice tell me all of these horror stories about how you went into a deep depression after your accident and how your family is suffering because of it. I just don't get it. I mean, I get why you're upset. From what I can tell, you lost a huge part of your life, and that sucks. But you're letting it take away all of your life. It's just stupid."

I was stunned. She hated me. The only person who had made me happy since my accident hated me. The possible love of my life hated me. The thought popped into my head for the second time tonight. _What have I done? _

I couldn't answer. I couldn't defend myself. There _was_ no defense for the way I had acted. It was mean and wrong and selfish, and I knew that. But for some reason I couldn't make it stop. "I—I have to go," I managed to choke out. I turned around, towards my escape, but not fast enough. Before Bella was out of my sight I saw the look of crushing disappointment and pity, and anger deep in her beautiful brown eyes.

I had screwed up big time. I was never going to win her now. Not now that she… hated me. How could I possibly win anyone I loved back, after the way I had treated them?

I got in my car and began driving again. Unfortunately, I did think this time. All I could do was think about all of the things I had done since my accident. All the times I pushed my family away when they tried to offer me a lifeline. All the times I chose having one long, never ending pity party for myself instead of making an effort in life. The pain was closing in on me, making it hard to drive. I needed something to take it away, before it could get any worse. I don't think I could handle worse.

I pulled into the lot of the first bar I saw. Using my excellent lying skills, and older appearance, I convinced the bartender to let me drink. Within the hour I had forced down half a bottle of whiskey. I was feeling much better now.

I charmed the first slutty girl to approach me and soon we were dancing to music I couldn't hear. I remember kissing her, and picturing Bella in her place, but I don't remember much after that. All I have are hazy memories of throwing back straight tequila, and then blackness.

**Invisi-Girl: **Edward has some serious issues man. He's gonna be in TROUBLE!

Ok that was really fun to write. All that angsty drama! It's like a soap opera, but way better! :D

Review for a hung-over, depressed, moody Edward! :) And one of our long replies!

**Ultimate Power: **We are getting good at this whole update thing! Haha. We each had like 3 months where we didn't write a chapter, but now we are back on track, so don't hate us….just hate her. KIDDING…mostly. Okay, I'm afraid to admit it, but I was waiting for Edward to get in a crash with this driving. Tisk tisk on him! Hmmm…..who shall I make this slutty girl? I shall name her Tommy! ROFL! Sorry, you guys don't get the humor in that. Anyway, I;m s ure no one read my A/N's anymore because they are pointless and long but I enjoy writing them! Review so I can reply back, I LOOOOOOOOOVE replying back (Invisi girl has learned not to take my replies away from me…I bite.)


End file.
